Fickle Fingers

Eventually, every last one of our bodies will fail us and force us to contemplate our own mortalities. In re-examining my relationship with my body after my hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (hEDS) diagnosis–a heritable connective tissue disorder–I reminisced on the figure skating career my body made me abandon in 2018. In 2025, after years of inconclusive labs, scans, and physical examinations, I was diagnosed with hEDS, fibromyalgia, and inappropriate sinus tachycardia. Day to day, I don’t “look disabled.” I do not carry any visible medical devices, nor do I require mobility aids at this point in my life; such is the nature of living with invisible disabilities. Though I struggle with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, joint instability, and myriad other symptoms on a daily basis, it is not immediately evident upon meeting me. With advances in modern medicine and imaging technologies, doctors and patients alike are reintroduced to the human body through new ways of seeing that simply aren’t possible with the naked eye. My work acts as an x-ray, allowing others a peek into aspects of my lived experiences that often go unseen.
This body of work immortalizes my complex feelings of grief and a loss of “what could have been” with regard to my time as a competitive synchronized skater. These mixed-media illustrations draw from photos from the present, from my skating past, and from the imaging I’ve had done at appointments with specialists.